Bland
(Jake: 26 May 2003)
Sat on my fucking ass, drank Sainsburys’ American-style root beer and watched shit daytime TV. I should have worked today but feigned stomach-related illness on the basis that work is a contributory factor to my shaky emotional state – and being in a shaky emotional state gives me bad guts. In fairness, I did eject a wretched tide of diahorrea filth this morning but I think this had more to do with my weekend’s misdeeds than any non-specific ‘tummy bug’.
I sat through a bland diet of cringeworthy discussion programmes featuring moronic and misinformed members of the public, sugar-coated shit DIY shows hosted by twat-faced C-list celebs, soul-crushing news and thin Australian soaps. On the soap front, I did enjoy Libby Kennedy from Neighbours – she has great tits and a dirty wry smile that strongly appeals. I like her freckles too. Should Kym Valentine, who plays Libby, need a vacuous, scrambled egg-brain to shaft her senseless and put fruit in her arse, I’m definitely her man. Stephanie Scully is pretty foxy too but I’m afraid that she’s just not well endowed enough: tits like fried eggs. Oh baby Jesus, why am I so obsessed with crap female celebrities?
Sat on my fucking ass, drank Sainsburys’ American-style root beer and watched shit daytime TV. I should have worked today but feigned stomach-related illness on the basis that work is a contributory factor to my shaky emotional state – and being in a shaky emotional state gives me bad guts. In fairness, I did eject a wretched tide of diahorrea filth this morning but I think this had more to do with my weekend’s misdeeds than any non-specific ‘tummy bug’.
I sat through a bland diet of cringeworthy discussion programmes featuring moronic and misinformed members of the public, sugar-coated shit DIY shows hosted by twat-faced C-list celebs, soul-crushing news and thin Australian soaps. On the soap front, I did enjoy Libby Kennedy from Neighbours – she has great tits and a dirty wry smile that strongly appeals. I like her freckles too. Should Kym Valentine, who plays Libby, need a vacuous, scrambled egg-brain to shaft her senseless and put fruit in her arse, I’m definitely her man. Stephanie Scully is pretty foxy too but I’m afraid that she’s just not well endowed enough: tits like fried eggs. Oh baby Jesus, why am I so obsessed with crap female celebrities?
Labels: arse, celeb, fiction, jake, jesus, libby, novel, sci fi, scully, soap, valentine
posted by jofa_non at 1:44 pm
1 Comments:
How about putting a goat in there somewhere? Not only are they friendly fellows but I find that they are sorely underrepresented in the literary world.
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