Wednesday

How to use human_salad


By now, dearest reader, you may have gathered that human_salad is a sequence of key events that lead to the final days of Jacob (Jake) Chaterlaine. Jake’s original blog entries have been republished here and punctuated with useful narrative by jofa_non. Bear with us - for the strands are about to knit together.

Thus far, Jake remains largley unaware of what is about to happen to him. He is about to find out that his prescious long-lost girlfriend is not who he thought she was. He will also discover that his dreamy little world of booze, drugs and perulie thoughts was just a simple distraction while others set things in place. Our friend is about to ‘stumble’ on the first c-stream intersection. Fear not, Lauren will be there to hold his hand – it is a love story after all…

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Food

(Jake: 2 June 2003)

Food. It’s not been a bad day, work was an autopilot kind of situation. I’m just starting get the cramps now. THC will help, It always does. Hungry. Can’t be fucked to cook. Haven’t been able to get hold of Lauren, her mobile number’s not recognized. I think she took my email address, maybe she’ll drop me a line or something.

I’ve started to think about making a definitive list of celebrities that are annoying and shit. It could be useful for future reference. The hall of shame would surely include the likes of:
Dennis Norden (is he dead?)
Pauline Brant
Vernon Kaye
William Roach
Richard Blackwood
Davina Macall
Fucking Michael Winner
Richard Stilgoe

The above make people’s lives a misery on a regular basis and should be made to pay. I could go on indefinitely but I must seek instant gratification from junk food.

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Solo

(Jake: 1 June 2003)

‘I love you.’

‘I know.’


I’m going to write a series of short stories about the adventures of Han Solo. Hopefully, one will be made into a film. SOLO I’ll call the first one. He can shoot motherfuckers up, be cool, and screw space chicks in spaceships that he wins in card games. Fuck James Bond man. Han is hardcore. Casting could be a problem though.

I’m pretty chill about the whole thing but it was crazy to see Lauren again, I haven’t laughed so much in years. I want to eat her.

She’s just like Princess Leia.

Anyway, Nathan lent me The new breed on VHS. Better git me old man out otherwise I’m gonna go crazy. MDMA is coursing through me and I need to fuck. Anything.

I’ve been tasting goods both sides of the street,
In a phase of broken days,
I cut to be clean,
I’m ungodly – but serene,
Time is a stream

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